Guest Bloggers

Embryo Adoption – When does your bad luck run out?

Pregnant woman holding belly after transferring frozen embryos
National Registry for Adoption - Adoption Simplified
I'm ready to struggle with learning to be a parent, instead of struggling to become one.
I’m ready to struggle with learning to be a parent, instead of struggling to become one.

Embryo adoption has been both my greatest blessing and my greatest challenge. I’ve been down in the valley. Deep down in a cold, dark, and bleak place. I was there in December. If you’re reading this, you may already know that a second line on a pregnancy test doesn’t guarantee a baby in your arms. So when I was pregnant, I wasn’t sure what that really meant. That’s where I was when I wrote…

When do you run out of bad luck?

This has been the longest year. Start process to adopt embryos. Update homestudy. Get medically cleared. Match three times. Transfer three times. Hundreds of shots. Artificially built up and dropped hormones. Find out what a failed transfer feels like. Find out what a miscarriage feels like. Get not one but two d&c’s. My husband goes through major foot surgery. Once home, pain pump doesn’t help enough so we land in the ER. His time in a cast drags on, and he’s unable to drive. He gets complications from surgery and is miserably sick for three weeks. Innumerable doctor appointments. Three more ER visits. Gallbladder surgery. Each statement seems so simple typed out. Yet each entails tears and struggle and worry.

I don’t want to complain. We’re blessed to have each other, the jobs we do, great family on both sides, health insurance, the ability to use a wonderful clinic to become parents, to match with equally wonderful families who donated their embryos to us.

But, I’m ready for life to return to normal, whatever that will look like now. I’m ready to struggle with learning to be a parent instead of struggling to become one. I’m ready for the bad luck to run out and days of wellness and togetherness to come. I’m ready to have a normal Saturday of lounging and going out to eat with my husband and laughing. I’m 5 1/2 weeks pregnant and ready to be able to be excited about the fact that I’m pregnant like 99% of the world when they see that second line.

When I wrote that, I was discouraged. I’d been put through the ringer in many manners- physical, emotional, financial, and relational. Every area of my life had been tested. When it rains, it pours, so the saying goes.

Looking back, I’m not sure just how I kept going. I suppose a mixture of my faith and great support system with a bit of good old fashioned personal resilience.

Parenthood is one of the most basic milestones of life. I believe anyone who struggles to get there taps into a deep inner strength unlike any other challenge. It’s an isolating, lonely, confusing, expensive, and painful journey.

When you don’t give up, you will eventually get to where you have always wanted to be. The path may be long and could look unlike one you could have ever imagined. If someone would have told me three and a half years when we decided to have a child that our blessing would come to us as a frozen embryo, formed three years before we even thought about becoming parents, I would have laughed.

Now, my stomach is getting rounder. I am mesmerized by my baby’s heartbeat. We recently found out he’s a boy, and God willing, he will be in our arms by the end of the summer. Every trial has led us to this point. This is the baby we are meant to have. This is why nothing else has worked out. He is our son! Conceived in a clinic on the other coast of the US, lovingly placed for adoption by his genetic family. Our sweet, sweet baby boy.

To those waiting for their blessing, don’t give up. Keep an open heart and mind. You have what it takes to get there. To those considering blessing others with their embryos, thank you. Words can never fully describe the joy my husband and I (along with all our family and friends) have only because of the loving sacrifice a genetic family made.

Our guest blogger, Sara, is a lover of crafts, baking, and all things thrifty. You can follow her journey of embryo adoption here: ChroniclesOfAnAdoption.blogspot.com